September 25, 2016

February 1, 2018

Praying for holy matrimony, but I stumble into girls that don’t have the same passion for me. Sometimes I think karma is coming to catch me. I’m just trying to be set free from this curse that has been set on me. I cry when I’m alone and then smile publicly so these people can’t sense my vulnerability. I can’t let these females get an edge on me. There’s just too much sensitivity projecting from me. Gather around the table because it’s counsel I need, but then these counsels confuse me. I’m just influenced by all the proverbs I read. Going back and forth causes instability. Expecting a different outcome while practicing the same actions is insanity. I won’t act as if my insecurity hasn’t messed with another humans sanity. Pray for sanctity. I always pray that for me, but when I don’t hear any answers I wonder if these prayers are just a part of my conditioning. Maybe the answer is right in front of me. Someone says they don’t have the same care for me then I twist their words into a riddle and convince myself that that’s not what they really mean. What’s happened to my train of thinking? And I’m struggling not to let society brainwash me. If it were up to them they’d have me believe the black man was below everybody. Then I come to my girl to try to get reassurance and she just nonchalantly responds to me. Things could be worst off though. I just hate that things effect people so relatively. The small things seem to get to me. They really seem to get to me….