Just Some Thoughts…

"While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react." -thepositivendeavour

You can scroll the shelf using ← and → keys

“I Forgive You”

January 9, 2013 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written to be thought-provoking. Opinions are given. Religious view are used.

Lately, I have been haunted by the words “I forgive you.” Growing up I was always taught to forgive others when they wronged you. My religion exposed me to Bible verses such as Mark 11:25 which says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Sermons about forgiveness were often preached at church. Forgiveness was not an option but rather a requirement. Moreover, of all the sins and vices the world struggled with, the least a person could do was forgive. Right? And I mean who wants to know their sins won’t be forgiven by God if they have not forgiven their neighbor? Forgiveness was a given. When I was younger I can even recall being forced to say “I forgive you” if one of my siblings apologized to me after doing something wrong. Because I was obedient I said what my parents wanted to hear, but that did not keep me from silently harboring the negative feelings I had. Early on in life, I noticed that little things would get to me very easily. In addition to being affected by these seemingly petty things, I would also internalize whatever bothered me. I became so accustomed to saying I forgive you out of habit that I could hold a grudge against someone while “forgiving” them. I mastered it. You probably did too.

You see, while everyone taught me that I should forgive they forgot to teach me how to forgive. Now that I am older and my life is more involved I have come to realize the importance of being able to forgive. Earlier today, I was browsing the internet in search of information on forgiveness. I would like to share one definition I found that stuck out to me. Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness as “a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.” Pretty simple. I also ran across two interesting quotes about forgiveness. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory” -Rita Mae Brown and “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”-Unknown author

These two quotes immediately raised two thoughts in my head. 1. As humans, we are extremely selfish. 2. Not one person on this earth deserves peace. How could this be? I think it is obvious that humans are naturally self-centered. Some more than others. But how could no one deserve peace!? It’s easy to look at the second quote and say, “Whoaaa, this is AMAZING!” However, that again is a reminder of our selfish human nature. A person is hurt, and they want to move on with their life and get over a situation. So they “forgive” but with the attitude that the other person does not deserve their forgiveness but is “humbly” receiving it. The person doing the “forgiving” approaches the situation with a sense of entitlement. They forgive because THEY deserve peace. In reality, however, this person really deserves nothing. How could one deserve peace when they themselves have wronged others in the most unforgivable ways? How does a person deserve peace when they have stolen the peace and sanity of others? They don’t. None of us do.

Although the definition quoted earlier was a very simple one, it removed the self-centered focus out of forgiveness and replaced it with a selfless one. I would like to suggest that forgiveness is for more than one person. Forgiveness is for one’s self and for others. Since none of us deserve forgiveness or peace of mind, we all should agree. I believe the quote by Martin Luther King Jr, “forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude,” embodies the true meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness does not stop after you forgive a person. Forgiveness is the attitude you have towards a person and life after you have been hurt. We should not forgive others just to say we have forgiven them or because we think we deserve peace.

“We should forgive because none of us deserve the freedom that comes with it.”-thepositivendeavour

“Forgiveness is the attitude you have towards a person and life after you have been hurt.” -thepositivendeavour

“Forgiveness is…

January 9, 2013

All You Need Is Monday…

January 2, 2013

Disclaimer: I am not opposed to any of the practices of bringing in the the New Year. All I wish to do is offer a different perspective. Disclaimers from other entries still apply.

These bloody New Year resolutions! Okay, okay hold on. Before you stop reading this entry just hear me out. I was you last year. I participated in all the rituals of bringing in the New Year. I made the list of things I would accomplish in 2012, and 2011,and 2010, and so on. I confessed all my faults from the previous year and even gave myself little pats on the romp when I began steer off course. I also became very discouraged after realizing that no more than 3 months into the year I had already begun to stray away from the resolutions I made.

I’d feel really bad knowing that I squandered my opportunity to accomplish and do things differently than I did in the previous year. I still indulged in habits I said I would stop, and I did not even begin to conquer all the undertakings I had assigned for myself. Years would go by, and I really didn’t see much changing. So your probably thinking, “Where is he going with all this?” Is he trying to stop me from making my frivolous New Year resolutions!? Well yes, that is exactly what I’m trying to do. No, no definitely joking *insidious laugh*. Stay with me.

It may just be me, but take a minute to reflect on all the resolutions you have made in the past few years. Hats off to the exceptional few who even remember what they are much less stuck with them. Now take another minute to recognize how many of those resolutions you discontinued before the year was half way over. Take this last minute to cry because you failed at every one of these tasks. It’s okay let it out. Here’s a napkin. Now you need to dry your wet eyes and ask yourself a couple questions. What went wrong each year? Why do I find myself making the same New Year resolutions every year? When will I accomplish the resolutions I have made for myself? How can I be more dedicated and consistent?

Brothers and sister I have come to tell you that it’s okay to ask yourself these questions. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m no psychologist, but I will suggest that there is a psychology behind all this. I’m not sure if it’s because I have a job now, but I am just really realizing that New Years is an actual holiday. Some people attend special church services to bring in the New Year. Some people go to the livest parties. Whichever you decided to do I think we can all agree that New Years is a big deal. The former things in your life are passed away. You finally get the chance to have a new start! Right? Not so. By no means am I saying that a new year cannot symbolize a fresh start; however, this is not the only time you can create or your renew resolutions.

All you need is Monday… Happy New Years.

Those Slum Days

December 29, 2012 — 5 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written with the hope of encouraging someone. This entry was written to encourage myself.

“While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.” -thepositivendeavour

Although science proves that some people have chemical imbalances that give them a greater disposition to feel down, we all have had a “slum day” in our life. I have noticed a number of things that have had the ability to dampen my mood. It could be something as simple as a gloomy day or an unprecedented wave of guilt. So when I got to college I purposed to do two things. Create a pleasurable environment via the people I surrounded myself with and the activities I indulged in, and meet as many people as I could. I basically did this for the first couple of weeks until I got into a relationship. I noticed that I began to segregated myself from others and that I was going in the opposite direction from which I intended.

When my relationship came to an end I was pretty bummed because not only did I experience an unbearable sense of loneliness, but I also felt as if I would never be able to mend some of the relationships I sabotaged. This was partially true. However, I’m glad things played out the way they did. You see, the high school I attended was very small. I had a group of buddies I used to hang out with all the time. We even had a name for ourselves (League Of Extraordinary Freshness or L.O.E.F) and had people asking what they could do to get in our group. I would not be hesitant to say we were pretty cool. What my experience in college revealed to me, however, was that for most of my life I fed off others to feel confident about myself. I know this to be true because when I got to college, and realized that the structure of it did not promote me to be constantly surrounded by people, I felt lost. I was confused about the person I was when all of my “support” was stripped away from me. I wanted to meet as many people as I could not necessarily because I cared so much about these people but because I wanted the security of knowing that I was known. I wanted to be popular.

My desire to have others fuel my confidence became very stressful especially since I spent the majority of my time with one person. After my relationship ended, I ran to others for confidence. I got into another relationship for constant support. I fought to fix my situation until one day I realized the problem. Time would pass, and my situations would eventually fade away, but nothing would really change until I solved the problem with me. I began to wonder how I could possible acquire enough confidence within myself to live for myself. I wondered how it would feel to live outside of the jurisdiction of other’s opinions or views about me. I wondered how it would feel to be unmoved by the way others perceived me. I wondered how it would feel to live freely.

Truth is, I am still on my journey to discovering all of this. I have my slum days, and I often get discouraged. But when I am faced with these discouragements I try to remember that “while we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.”

Stay safe, and stay encouraged my friends.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

December 24, 2012 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience of Christmas when I was growing up. I love to help people, and I would consider myself a pretty generous person. Exaggerations may be used.

Christmas. Ohh Christmas. It’s the sweetest time of year. Carols are sung everywhere, and sweet baby Jesus often appears. Everyone wants to share. Happiness fills the air, and snow flakes are everywhere. T’was the spirit of Christmas….

Wellll…I can’t say it was exactly like this for me growing up. First off, this was a very stressful season for me. I am not sure about anyone else, but I had very high expectations for the Christmas season. When I was younger, I did not have a steady flow of income like some of my peers did. I don’t necessarily mean a job either. I am talking about this thing Americans call an allowance. Yeaaa…I’m Guyanese. Some of my peers splurged money throughout the year because they had all this allowance money to spend. I mean these kids were straight ballers. So when Christmas came around I was definitely not thinking about giving. In fact, if my parents would have made me give on Christmas I probably would have cried…actually wept. That’s real.

Anyway, this was a stressful season for me because I knew that, besides my birthday, this would be the only time I would really receive gifts. Therefore, my mission for the weeks preceding Christmas was to compile a detailed list of the things I needed to have on that day. I can recall one Christmas a couple of years back when I informed my parents of exactly what I wanted. I did not have enough faith in them to believe they would get me what I asked for, so I took it upon myself make sure that they did. I would give them frequent reminders of my “requirements” for Christmas day. It must have been about 2 days before this particular Christmas one year, and I was anxious. Mind you, this was dangerous for a kid like me because I already had a hyper/anxious disposition. That day I turned the whole house upside down trying to find where my parents stashed my presents. I eventually found most of them in shower in my basement.

Honestly, I kinda spoiled my Christmas that year because as soon as I saw what I got I wanted more. As the years went by, this did not get any better. My Christmas’ were still stressful, but that all changed this year. You see, for the first Christmas in my life I have a job. Yeaa it sucked knowing I would be expected to “give” people gifts this year! I went out this morning feeling depressed about having to spend money on others, but when I bought the first gift I…I actually felt all warm and fuzzy inside. It felt so good. Next thing you know I was cashin out, but it was not for myself this time. I was cashin out for others. I finally understood what it felt like to be in the true spirit of Christmas.

Although you may be compelled to get then give, it’s sometimes better to just give. If you get something in return just count it as a blessing.

Merry Christmas my friends.

Interlude: Sexy! With tears flowing…

December 18, 2012 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry has no relation to “A Virtual Solace pt 1: Social Networks.” It is merely an expression of gratitude and a proclamation how fortunate I am. EXAGGERATIONS MAY BE USED. Count your blessings.

I was awakened this morning and presented with the perfect set up to have a bad day. While I was still half asleep, I began to be reprimanded for not doing the dishes the earlier night, I was given a packet full of make-up work from this previous semester that I still need to complete, and worst of all I was reminded that Listerine’s 24-hour protection formula would not be the cure for my morning breath. I just didn’t see any ‘light’ coming from the day. Nonetheless, I proceeded to get out of bed and have my devotion. After I finished up with that, I went into my bathroom to do my thing. Years ago one of my aunts revealed to me how unsanitary and disgusting it was to wake up and have breakfast before brushing my teeth, so ever since then I have gotten into the habit of brushing and flossing before leaving my room in the morning.

I was in the bathroom, and although I knew it was a pretty beautiful day outside, I felt as if the sun’s rays had purposed not to show me any favor. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worst I got a call from my mom about some obligations I had for the day while I was in the middle of a session with my Philips Sonicare toothbrush. Great toothbrush by the way. Anyway, I was determined to keep up the whole positive/optimism tip I had been working off of for the past few days. So I rushed back into my bathroom said, “I will feel the sun’s embrace and witness today’s beauty!” I then tore open the blinds in my bathroom. What I saw in my driveway nearly had me gasping for air. It was my dream to have, my ideal ride, practically my baby, but it was still my…my grandpa’s car.

I immediately called my mom and said, “Mo…Mom did you see what is in the drive way?!” She must have picked up on the anxiousness and utter excitement in my voice judging by her somewhat abrasive response. “Bakari, no! No, your father said the car still needs to be taken back to the shop for some work…..blah blah blah.” I was unmoved by her statements however. The only thing that registered into my head was, “Sexy!” And with tears flowing down my face, a quote by G.K Chesterton popped into my head. “There is one thing which gives radiance to everything. It is the idea of something around the corner.” Yes, I fully experienced this radiance because ideas were streaming through my head. Maybe I would enjoy a night out on the town or go find some trouble to get into now that my medium of transportation was back in my possession.

You see, a couple weeks ago when I was returning home from some mischief, I got into…umm…yea I got into a little accident. For some reason the whole drive seemed to be full of “close calls” if you catch my drift, but when I was about 2 minutes from reaching my house…BAM! But I can’t be totally blamed for the accident. After all, the woman could have swerved out of the unmoving traffic if she noticed I was about rear end her. Use your rear view mirror people!

As of now, I am unsure if I will actually be allowed to drive my grandpa’s car again, but the fact that it smiles at me from my driveway gives me a great sense of hope. That is how we have to look at life sometimes. It reminds me of a quote I came across a while ago that states,“When you feel like giving up,remember why you held on for so long in the first place.” -Unknown source. I know it may seem like a shift in moods, but I had a purpose behind writing all this. We all have something that drives us although that “thing” may sometimes seem abstract. It may be a hobby, an aspiration, a relationship, a religion, a death, a future career, a child, a parent/grandparent, or even a pet lizard. You get the point. And for those who honestly don’t have something that keeps them going…umm…I am praying for you brother/sister. Stay safe. Nevertheless, always remember that in the event of your “permanent absence”, aka death, you will be missed by someone.

So take a second to appreciate that person, thing, or both that has you screaming, “Sexy!” while tears of joy roll down your beautiful faces. Stay encouraged my friends.