Just Some Thoughts…

"While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react." -thepositivendeavour

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Cradled

February 23, 2015 — 4 Comments

There is no need to be judgmental. And although her influence is instrumental, we all have sins of our own. She just sings hers a little louder. We’re just seeking someone to look up to. And she was looking to be influenced so one day she could be influential. But I’ve learned we should be careful of our desire to admire people who we think we’d like to be. I don’t know you yet, but if you run across this here are my words of admonition. Set up some kind of moral basis for yourself. Don’t get too disheartened if you stray from the standard you set up in your youth and innocence. It happens to the best of us. Stay nostalgic however. Always yearn to return to the standard you once set for yourself. Understand that time changes things. Time ages things. Time may taint your innocence, and you may become two-faced with your sins. Some days rationality and morality will discern your reason; other days you may be emotionally reasoned. You’ll feel like a hypocrite, and you will get tired of it all. However, you will just have to learn from your mistakes. People will always judge you, and you will always have preconceptions of people. Never act as one who is infallible. Never try to convince people of your character, but rather let your actions paint a caricature of you. Again, be careful who you choose to look up to. If you’re not about what many guys will come at you for, then be careful around females who are. For he neglected bowflex and chose to exercise his index between her legs. She allowed it. Then the index became a little denser. Now she’s an addict. My mother always told me that her mother always told her , “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you who you are.” So show me someone striving for perfection only in utter hopes of achieving some kind of excellence. I hope I told you and showed you I love you, so when another man tells you this it won’t temporarily fill a void in your heart. And “Unto third and fourth generation” of me may cause you and your seed to do somethings that will make God displeased. So please forgive me. I’m just writing to you from future aspirations of me…your father to be. And I would like to say again that I love you. I’ll start practicing from now because pain has caused me to use this phrase lightly. And “Mama/Daddy I love you. My blog speaks for me, but hope I made you proud.” I hope she makes you proud. For if I reap what I have sowed life will owe me a basket of woes. Therefore, I want you know that I love you in the way I treat all the other daughters around me…. So say a prayer for me. Please. The devil will soon be coming for me. I think I have relayed to you what I needed to. I understand my voice grows faint with my age, but my words still carry relevance. I hope God allows me to recieve you from my Womb to Be. Until then, stay safe while I strive to show my love for you. So please forgive me Keke, Corey, Ms. Rose, Ms. Peña, Kay, and young Des. Thanks.

To my precious little lady,

Your Father

The Batcave

March 2, 2013

If I can inspire, would that fulfill my heart’s desire? As I’m sitting on my throne accepting melodies from the lyre, I’m much higher. “What?” I’m higher than I have ever been since I’ve stopped meddling with that sin. “Ohh. Okay, carry on.” Once it started to bloom, I was consumed. And I spent thousands of hours planted in the my room. I couldn’t move, but I just blamed it on the lady with the broom. She was on some shrooms, got a little confused, and then came through and cast a spell on a dude! “Wow. Man quit playing! That’s insane! So when’s the next time you trying to get some brain though?” Stop. Please don’t try and tempt me. You know if I go back down that road you know I will be left broken and feeling empty. And don’t resent me for side stepping your offer…my enemy. Just leave me be and let me continue my story of how this sinful indulgence almost destroyed me. “Okay. But always remember that you can look although you may not touch. God has already declared your victory, so there’s no rush.”

My hands and my eyes were in conjunction. I was in so deep I was unable to function. I couldn’t go to luncheon without thinking who and who was eyeing me. But nah I think I’ll just blame that on my social anxiety. And hell yea that’s propriety cause I can’t have all that guilt piled up inside me. Plus I could be free. I could be free from all the stresses of trying to pursue that girl in who’s face I’d probably hurl after she denied me. But at least I tried b. I could always run to The Batcave to hide me as I blindly searched for something to remind me of the sexual ventures I had with her. Or her. Or maybe her because her breasts were a bit larger, and she’d probably go a bit farther. “Yes! Yes! You’ve done your three months time, so you’re more than fine! Plus, what’s a college guy without a chick on his side?” Nah, I think I’ll be alright for the moment seeing that, that shouldn’t be an essential component of my coolness.

My mind was deprive of real life. My perception was surreal in fact. I looked down her back and thought those implants was her real ahh…yea. “Don’t doubt what I have shown you. For the last six years I have owned you and grown you into the lustful man you are today…well the one you were three months ago anyway. Don’t turn your back on me now!” I will not take a bow nor allow my defenses to be let down. I won’t stand here proud and act as if all my battles have been won. I’m just grateful for how far I’ve…well for how far we’ve come.

Primer

February 10, 2013

Disclaimer: Meditate on this concept, and don’t be afraid to giggle. That includes those of you with hardened hearts.

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” -Bill Cosby

Yes, I am your primer. I mean seriously, what is wrong with you guys? Why has your life become a schedule? Why are you falling into the cycle? Just think about it for a moment. You wake up every morning and hopefully brush your teeth. Swell. Then if you are in a relationship or talking to someone you probably rush to your phone to see if your significant other has sent you a good morning text. That’s cool. And for those of you who are single, there are always the potential Instagram and Facebook notifications. It’s okay; we’re in this together. After your finished with all that, you may have your devotions. I would love to assume it came before you checked the text messages or notifications, but I’m going to take a guess and say it doesn’t. Don’t stone me if I’m wrong. You proceed to do whatever other morning rituals you have, and then you go to class or work. The lecture goes well, and you probably pat yourself on the back for taking good notes. After all, your progressing in life right? Your going to class, to make the grades, to get the degree, to get the job. There’s nothing wrong with any of this, and it would be nonsense if I told you that you were wasting your time….

I was on Facebook a couple weeks back, and I ran across a post one of my FB friends wrote. It basically said, “I don’t like school. I am just here to get a degree so can get a job to support my family.” Although that is not necessarily my attitude towards school, I totally respected what this person was saying. It was better than dropping out and deciding to pursue a rapping career. I have nothing against that either. In fact, I commend those people who are ambitious enough to do that. What if people pursued their personal goals while continuing their education however? As a Biology major, I fully understand how it feels to be consumed by your major. I also understand that “you will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.”-Charles Buxton This becomes even more of a reality the older a person gets. Free time begins to dwindle, responsibilities begin to accumulate, tax jokes will soon be made, physical strength and energy usually lessen, creativity weakens, etc. Yea, the odds are pretty much against you. So why not start now?

There was a time I became so consumed by my major and other responsibilities that I began to neglect my personal goals. I wouldn’t touch my guitar for weeks at a time. I didn’t write any songs or anything at that besides in my journal or in my notes in class. I threw my fitness goals out of the window saying, “I don’t really have time to exercise.” My dream of potentially starting a blog was put to rest. The thought of going abroad to learn Spanish was forgotten. I basically had no innovation. I thought that if I got into medical school and eventually became I physician I would be thoroughly content. I would be able to support my family. I would be able to cater to people’s physical needs. I would be respected in my community. I would essentially be accomplished…or so I thought.

In the past couple of months, I have been forced to reconsider the meaning and purpose of my life. I probably shouldn’t be here today, but thank God I am. I had limited the meaning of life in my mind, so when particular things happened I felt as if my world was coming to a close. I soon began to realize that this was not true. I started to realize that I had gifts that needed to be cultivated in order for me to reach others. I would never be able to cultivate any of these gifts in the classroom either. So I began to blog and force myself to play my guitar more via video posts I made on Facebook. It was amazing to start hearing people tell me that my words were able to help them. I was humbled. I am humbled. If I neglected to start, however, this would never have happened. My peers that were encouraged by my blog would have never heard from me.

My dad and I were conversing this morning and he said something to me that still resonates in my head. We were having a conversation about some school work that needed to be done and he said, “Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is to start.” The truth of his statement struck me, and I was compelled to write this entry for you. So now that you have been primed…

Please start…

Please Don’t Shoot Me Down…

January 17, 2013

Disclaimer: Thank you.

6 a.m in the morning: “Good-mor-ning!” “Ghono, where are you?” *Finds sister, squeezes her cheeks* “La ta ta tumm. La tee tee tee.” “Mom I think I heard a mouse when I was home yesterday. In fact, I may be delusional, but I think he even stopped and said whats up to me while scurrying across the kitchen floor.” *Blows on mothers arm in order to make farting noise* “De-mahdd, De-mahdddd, De-mahahahahadddd!” *Proceeds to squeeze little brothers head*

This is how my typical morning starts. As a kid, I never really understood why people cherished sleep so much. I mean off all the mischief a lil rascal could be doing your telling me he should go to sleep? Psssh, no way. I don’t think getting older changed this philosophy much. Well, besides the mischief part *senile croak*. Nonetheless, a couple mornings ago I woke up very hyper and excited. Yes, maybe I needed to be “dumbed down” a little, but it was not anything my family wasn’t used to seeing. I went downstairs to the kitchen and immediately began to see who I could rush with all my energy. Target acquired. Ready. Steady. Attack.

I was immediately rebutted with a “stank attitude” from the sibling I attacked (not saying which one). I must admit that I was a bit surprised. A bunch of thoughts started running through my head. “First of all, it’s not like I’m doing something foreign.” “Second of all, it’s me! At the most, you usually just brush me off.” “Third of all…you just can’t do that to me! I know I’m annoying you, but either let me get to you or just go with the flow of things.” I was confused. I didn’t know what to do. When I entered the kitchen I was on cloud 9, and now I was like on cloud 8 an a half. Maybe even 8. I was determined to stay lively; however, so I switched my method from trying to bother this particular sibling to trying to cheer them up. After a couple failed jokes and attempts to tickle them, I started to realize that I was falling from a great height. By the time this sibling was ready to go to school, I was mellowed out. And it didn’t help that I was the only “morning person” in my family either. I found it kinda funny that the people I woke up to that morning had such an impact on my mood. I went from being straight giddy to chill. I can imagine how I would have felt if I had already been relaxed that morning, then was confronted with the dull spirit of my family. Probably pretty sad.

I found that this scenario had a striking connection to the people I surrounded myself with. I’m sure everyone has known a person that is such a joy to be around. I’m sure some know the opposite of this as well. Recently, I decided that if I couldn’t lift anyone up because and of all the complaints I had, then I didn’t need to be around anyone at all. I could mourn, carry on, and complain to myself. I didn’t need anyone’s help with that. So I went ghost. People would come up to me and say, “Bakari, I haven’t seen you in a while” or “Dude where have you been!?” I would then reply, “Ahhh, well you know….”

Then I decided to reappear and start this blog. I didn’t know exactly what I would be blogging about, but I knew I wanted to accomplish three things. Provide people with content that could make them laugh/smile. Provide people with content that was thought-provoking/relevant while interesting. Provide people with some form of encouragement. So if your reading this entry I would just like to say thank you for your support. I hope some of my words or videos have caused you to think, smile, or be encouraged in some way.

Thank you. Be blessed.

“I Forgive You”

January 9, 2013 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written to be thought-provoking. Opinions are given. Religious view are used.

Lately, I have been haunted by the words “I forgive you.” Growing up I was always taught to forgive others when they wronged you. My religion exposed me to Bible verses such as Mark 11:25 which says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Sermons about forgiveness were often preached at church. Forgiveness was not an option but rather a requirement. Moreover, of all the sins and vices the world struggled with, the least a person could do was forgive. Right? And I mean who wants to know their sins won’t be forgiven by God if they have not forgiven their neighbor? Forgiveness was a given. When I was younger I can even recall being forced to say “I forgive you” if one of my siblings apologized to me after doing something wrong. Because I was obedient I said what my parents wanted to hear, but that did not keep me from silently harboring the negative feelings I had. Early on in life, I noticed that little things would get to me very easily. In addition to being affected by these seemingly petty things, I would also internalize whatever bothered me. I became so accustomed to saying I forgive you out of habit that I could hold a grudge against someone while “forgiving” them. I mastered it. You probably did too.

You see, while everyone taught me that I should forgive they forgot to teach me how to forgive. Now that I am older and my life is more involved I have come to realize the importance of being able to forgive. Earlier today, I was browsing the internet in search of information on forgiveness. I would like to share one definition I found that stuck out to me. Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness as “a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.” Pretty simple. I also ran across two interesting quotes about forgiveness. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory” -Rita Mae Brown and “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”-Unknown author

These two quotes immediately raised two thoughts in my head. 1. As humans, we are extremely selfish. 2. Not one person on this earth deserves peace. How could this be? I think it is obvious that humans are naturally self-centered. Some more than others. But how could no one deserve peace!? It’s easy to look at the second quote and say, “Whoaaa, this is AMAZING!” However, that again is a reminder of our selfish human nature. A person is hurt, and they want to move on with their life and get over a situation. So they “forgive” but with the attitude that the other person does not deserve their forgiveness but is “humbly” receiving it. The person doing the “forgiving” approaches the situation with a sense of entitlement. They forgive because THEY deserve peace. In reality, however, this person really deserves nothing. How could one deserve peace when they themselves have wronged others in the most unforgivable ways? How does a person deserve peace when they have stolen the peace and sanity of others? They don’t. None of us do.

Although the definition quoted earlier was a very simple one, it removed the self-centered focus out of forgiveness and replaced it with a selfless one. I would like to suggest that forgiveness is for more than one person. Forgiveness is for one’s self and for others. Since none of us deserve forgiveness or peace of mind, we all should agree. I believe the quote by Martin Luther King Jr, “forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude,” embodies the true meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness does not stop after you forgive a person. Forgiveness is the attitude you have towards a person and life after you have been hurt. We should not forgive others just to say we have forgiven them or because we think we deserve peace.

“We should forgive because none of us deserve the freedom that comes with it.”-thepositivendeavour

All You Need Is Monday…

January 2, 2013

Disclaimer: I am not opposed to any of the practices of bringing in the the New Year. All I wish to do is offer a different perspective. Disclaimers from other entries still apply.

These bloody New Year resolutions! Okay, okay hold on. Before you stop reading this entry just hear me out. I was you last year. I participated in all the rituals of bringing in the New Year. I made the list of things I would accomplish in 2012, and 2011,and 2010, and so on. I confessed all my faults from the previous year and even gave myself little pats on the romp when I began steer off course. I also became very discouraged after realizing that no more than 3 months into the year I had already begun to stray away from the resolutions I made.

I’d feel really bad knowing that I squandered my opportunity to accomplish and do things differently than I did in the previous year. I still indulged in habits I said I would stop, and I did not even begin to conquer all the undertakings I had assigned for myself. Years would go by, and I really didn’t see much changing. So your probably thinking, “Where is he going with all this?” Is he trying to stop me from making my frivolous New Year resolutions!? Well yes, that is exactly what I’m trying to do. No, no definitely joking *insidious laugh*. Stay with me.

It may just be me, but take a minute to reflect on all the resolutions you have made in the past few years. Hats off to the exceptional few who even remember what they are much less stuck with them. Now take another minute to recognize how many of those resolutions you discontinued before the year was half way over. Take this last minute to cry because you failed at every one of these tasks. It’s okay let it out. Here’s a napkin. Now you need to dry your wet eyes and ask yourself a couple questions. What went wrong each year? Why do I find myself making the same New Year resolutions every year? When will I accomplish the resolutions I have made for myself? How can I be more dedicated and consistent?

Brothers and sister I have come to tell you that it’s okay to ask yourself these questions. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m no psychologist, but I will suggest that there is a psychology behind all this. I’m not sure if it’s because I have a job now, but I am just really realizing that New Years is an actual holiday. Some people attend special church services to bring in the New Year. Some people go to the livest parties. Whichever you decided to do I think we can all agree that New Years is a big deal. The former things in your life are passed away. You finally get the chance to have a new start! Right? Not so. By no means am I saying that a new year cannot symbolize a fresh start; however, this is not the only time you can create or your renew resolutions.

All you need is Monday… Happy New Years.

Those Slum Days

December 29, 2012 — 5 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written with the hope of encouraging someone. This entry was written to encourage myself.

“While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.” -thepositivendeavour

Although science proves that some people have chemical imbalances that give them a greater disposition to feel down, we all have had a “slum day” in our life. I have noticed a number of things that have had the ability to dampen my mood. It could be something as simple as a gloomy day or an unprecedented wave of guilt. So when I got to college I purposed to do two things. Create a pleasurable environment via the people I surrounded myself with and the activities I indulged in, and meet as many people as I could. I basically did this for the first couple of weeks until I got into a relationship. I noticed that I began to segregated myself from others and that I was going in the opposite direction from which I intended.

When my relationship came to an end I was pretty bummed because not only did I experience an unbearable sense of loneliness, but I also felt as if I would never be able to mend some of the relationships I sabotaged. This was partially true. However, I’m glad things played out the way they did. You see, the high school I attended was very small. I had a group of buddies I used to hang out with all the time. We even had a name for ourselves (League Of Extraordinary Freshness or L.O.E.F) and had people asking what they could do to get in our group. I would not be hesitant to say we were pretty cool. What my experience in college revealed to me, however, was that for most of my life I fed off others to feel confident about myself. I know this to be true because when I got to college, and realized that the structure of it did not promote me to be constantly surrounded by people, I felt lost. I was confused about the person I was when all of my “support” was stripped away from me. I wanted to meet as many people as I could not necessarily because I cared so much about these people but because I wanted the security of knowing that I was known. I wanted to be popular.

My desire to have others fuel my confidence became very stressful especially since I spent the majority of my time with one person. After my relationship ended, I ran to others for confidence. I got into another relationship for constant support. I fought to fix my situation until one day I realized the problem. Time would pass, and my situations would eventually fade away, but nothing would really change until I solved the problem with me. I began to wonder how I could possible acquire enough confidence within myself to live for myself. I wondered how it would feel to live outside of the jurisdiction of other’s opinions or views about me. I wondered how it would feel to be unmoved by the way others perceived me. I wondered how it would feel to live freely.

Truth is, I am still on my journey to discovering all of this. I have my slum days, and I often get discouraged. But when I am faced with these discouragements I try to remember that “while we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.”

Stay safe, and stay encouraged my friends.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

December 24, 2012 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience of Christmas when I was growing up. I love to help people, and I would consider myself a pretty generous person. Exaggerations may be used.

Christmas. Ohh Christmas. It’s the sweetest time of year. Carols are sung everywhere, and sweet baby Jesus often appears. Everyone wants to share. Happiness fills the air, and snow flakes are everywhere. T’was the spirit of Christmas….

Wellll…I can’t say it was exactly like this for me growing up. First off, this was a very stressful season for me. I am not sure about anyone else, but I had very high expectations for the Christmas season. When I was younger, I did not have a steady flow of income like some of my peers did. I don’t necessarily mean a job either. I am talking about this thing Americans call an allowance. Yeaaa…I’m Guyanese. Some of my peers splurged money throughout the year because they had all this allowance money to spend. I mean these kids were straight ballers. So when Christmas came around I was definitely not thinking about giving. In fact, if my parents would have made me give on Christmas I probably would have cried…actually wept. That’s real.

Anyway, this was a stressful season for me because I knew that, besides my birthday, this would be the only time I would really receive gifts. Therefore, my mission for the weeks preceding Christmas was to compile a detailed list of the things I needed to have on that day. I can recall one Christmas a couple of years back when I informed my parents of exactly what I wanted. I did not have enough faith in them to believe they would get me what I asked for, so I took it upon myself make sure that they did. I would give them frequent reminders of my “requirements” for Christmas day. It must have been about 2 days before this particular Christmas one year, and I was anxious. Mind you, this was dangerous for a kid like me because I already had a hyper/anxious disposition. That day I turned the whole house upside down trying to find where my parents stashed my presents. I eventually found most of them in shower in my basement.

Honestly, I kinda spoiled my Christmas that year because as soon as I saw what I got I wanted more. As the years went by, this did not get any better. My Christmas’ were still stressful, but that all changed this year. You see, for the first Christmas in my life I have a job. Yeaa it sucked knowing I would be expected to “give” people gifts this year! I went out this morning feeling depressed about having to spend money on others, but when I bought the first gift I…I actually felt all warm and fuzzy inside. It felt so good. Next thing you know I was cashin out, but it was not for myself this time. I was cashin out for others. I finally understood what it felt like to be in the true spirit of Christmas.

Although you may be compelled to get then give, it’s sometimes better to just give. If you get something in return just count it as a blessing.

Merry Christmas my friends.