Just Some Thoughts…
"While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react." -thepositivendeavour
You can scroll the shelf using ← and → keys
Down Girl! Down!
February 18, 2013
Disclaimer: Viewers discretion advised. Read at will.
A lot of energy has been expended. So now we put our guards up because we must conserve everything that is left of us. Not much. We have become pain stakened. “Lonely or alone?”, those are two totally different statements. Just be patient. It’s just something about this present congregation aka my generation. I’m just saying. In accordance with Adam and Eve, my generation conceived the notion that “we were meant to be”…together. The junction of him and her would last forever. This kind of commitment would need love however. What is love though? Can we despise ourselves yet love another? Can we chastise our being yet love the others? He was broken, but his arms were left wide open to receive her…and she was a dreamer. She dreamed that he would be different from the other guys. And although he let go of his other ties with women, he was still slipping. Cause he was still gripping, another girls behind in his mind, but it’s fine. She was a dime! Then his conscience would bite him, and he would give in and tell his girl that he was mentally sinning. She would respond, “You can cheat on me, but just don’t leave me. You know I’d do anything to appease thee!” He’d say, “Oh for real? Cool, get down on your knees b.” It was tragic, how her moral code just disappeared like magic. The next thing you know he was an addict, and he spent the rest of the relationship trying to cut the habit. He swung at immorality like he was at Lambrick! Stop the madness! He knew there would be no exchange after he got some brain, so why complain? Well, because she told him it was okay. Girl what are you saying? “I can’t risk the loss. Too much energy has been expended.” Oh, so we should go on pretending we’re going to work this out? “What’s the problem dear? Every time it happens now…I get aroused!” Please close your mouth. I’m trying to leave you with something to hold onto. “It’s too late for that. I belong to you.”
Sooner than later the rationale came through, and he sat there thinking what the hell to do. She was unmoved as he presented his case. In a moment, all the good things he had done for her would suddenly be erased from her memory. She silently repeated to herself, “You can cheat on me, but just don’t leave me. You know I’d do anything to appease thee!” He’d have flashbacks of the times he’d say, “Babe pretty please, drop down to your knees. Could you do it just for me?” This conversation was not going on in real life however. She just stood listening to him state his claims. They all registered as excuses, and all she could think was, “How could he do this?” But they came to a consensus. They agreed to part ways for the summer and pray to Allah for the answers and just hope that he would answer. He got back to them. They had no future in store…. A lot of energy had been expended. Now they have their guards up in order to conserve everything that is left of them.
Be careful…cause it’s not much…
Masochist
February 5, 2013
This girl learned to love pain. She was no sadist, but she did learn to embrace pain. After all, she had been conditioned to be that way. She wasn’t the strongest kid growing up, although she had a big heart. She wasn’t the smartest kid in the class, although she had a fierce determination. For most of her childhood and adolescent life she lived by a simple theory. “Be kind. Keep quiet.” It was those two principles that keep her self-esteem from being lowered even more by her peers. If she was quiet enough, she wouldn’t draw extra attention to herself. If she was nice enough, she could dodge a couple of jokes. This worked for the most part. She was never required to face herself, so she became complacent with having the dirt as her neighbors and friends. Her parents did not challenge the misbelief’s she had about herself. In fact, some of the harmless jokes they made about her contributed to the accumulation of some of her insecurities. Life for her was no harder than life for any other kids her age. There were no traumatic experiences to be discussed nor cried over.
Middle school…
The insecurities that flourished for the majority of her life were finally challenged. She could no longer hold onto the insecurity of having wickedly crooked teeth. Her braces fixed that. She was no longer handicapped, unable to sprint more than a few feet before passing out. Her persistence and determination in her exercise regimen had strengthened her lungs. She could for miles at a time now. Facial scares that were acquired during her childhood began to fade away due to years of proper treatment. She began to dress well, and she steadily began to become somewhat fashionable. Physically, she transforming into a very pretty girl. Mentally, nothing changed.
High school…
More guys started to notice her. Her figure began to accentuate, and her face cleared from puberty. She looked like a totally different person, and guys were not hesitant to tell her how attractive she was. Then she got a boyfriend…and got hurt. Then another boyfriend…and returned that hurt. Then one more boyfriend…and got scarred. This was nothing new to her however. She got to the point where she was used to feeling low. She would pray for things to get better, but deep down inside she seemed to contradict her prayers. Although she said she wanted to get better, she was so accustomed to feeling down. She was almost content with inhabiting ground. She was the dirt those above her treaded upon. She was the mud that those living in the clouds rained on. If there ever was a time she was happy, she would anticipate the pain of sorrow because had grown to love it. A true masochist.
We may stay afloat in our sorrows or swim in our victories. -thepositivendeavour
She is dreaming, a smile lights up her face
oh what a perfect place, what a perfect place
she is in.
It’s an unconscious state, where she loves
her face, she loves her hair, all of what’s there
she love herself.
But what a place to be, far from reality, it’s her dream,
it’s her dream, and she’s a queen.
He is working, eight to eight can life get any faster, his home life’s a disaster, such a disaster, unreal as real could be.
You see, he’s a king, he has everything, a wife and treasures, odd earthly pleasures, he loves his life.
Sad though it may seem, his life’s also a dream, but instead it’s just lived through his computer screen.
So what I’m trying to say is, we must learn today, to love ourselves, before we can love anybody else.
Dreaming (original song)
January 22, 2013
Yes, I’m A Cheater
January 18, 2013
Disclaimer: Please don’t go report this post to my mom before reading it.
Good. Now that I have your attention I will steal the floor for a few moments. In reality, I have never cheated on any girl I’ve been in a relationship with. Feel free to ask any of them. I think I was generally a pretty decent boyfriend. None of us are perfect, yet I strived for perfection in my relationships. Yea, that caused problems. After all, you’ve seen my quote right. “Yes we’re human, but if we strive for perfection at least we can count on achieving excellence.” Who wouldn’t settle for excellence?
I’m sure you have noticed, but I like using my experiences to prove the points I am trying to make. So here we go. I often hear girls ask the question, “Why do guys cheat so much?” , or something to that extent. Last week I was on YouTube, and I happened to run across an interview that “Power 105 1’s The Breakfast Club” did with the rapper Trina. You can check it out, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVhWZEMHHZQ. Besides all the vulgar comments that were exchanged, something Trina said in the interview stuck out to me. One of the interviewers began to ask her about her past relationships and what she liked in a man. They dialogued a bit then got on the subject of cheating. She then asked that particular interviewer if he had a girlfriend. To her surprise, he had a girlfriend of thirteen years and a 3-year-old daughter. She was curious to know if he had ever cheated on this girl. After a few jokes, he admitted that he did. The female interviewer then asked Trina, “Do you believe a man can be in a committed relationship and not cheat?” Her exact response was, “I believe a man can be in a committed relationship but they’re definitely going to slide out and do some other little stuff. It’s just natural.”
When I heard her response the smirk I had on my face the entire interview immediately went away. I was thinking, “I know a lot of guys cheat, but do women really believe it’s inevitable? Granted, Trina is a rap artist who probably grew up seeing this bias about men played out. But still.
So why do so many guys have a problem with cheating? I wish I could reveal to you a truth so indubitable that it would leave no room for you to second guess me; however, I’m afraid this will not be the case. I will offer a couple of suggestions though. First, the more girls a guy messes with (particularly cute ones), the cooler he is. Yes, yes we can sit here and discuss the double standard, but why flog the dead horse? One day, while I was walking through a building on my campus named Blake Center, I overheard a couple guys talking about getting head, brain, dome, oral sex, or w/e you call it. This one dude with dreads was sitting on top of the ATM machine while his disciples listened closely to him talk about getting oral sex from this one girl at a party. He went on to tell a couple more stories after that. Something that girls often don’t understand is that looks are not a determining factor when it comes to cheating. You can look as good as you want, but that won’t stop a guy from cheating on you. I’ve seen guys with beautiful girlfriends go mess with an average/below average chick.
Second, it generally takes more for a guy to become emotionally attached to a girl than a girl to a guy. Of course there are exceptions, but that is usually the case. I wish I could tell you some of the things my guy friends have done to the girls they were talking to, but that probably wouldn’t be a smart move on my part. Especially since some of my blog posts have already been scrutinized by my mom ha ha. When you match a girl who is putting all her emotions all into a relationship with a guy who is silently nonchalant about the emotional side of a relationship there may be some cheating. At least until both of them are on the same emotional level.
Finally, I think it’s safe to say that men are pretty visual. It’s not hard to catch a guy staring at a girl’s butt or eyeing a chick as she walks by. It happens all the time. So when girls dress in an immodest way, it is just any incentive for a guy to approach her…even if he has a girlfriend. Much elaboration can be done on this point, but I would just recommend you to read my entry entitled “Your Painted Black Thighs” to get a guys perspective on the revealing clothing many women wear today.
So there you are ladies and gents. This post wraps up what I like to call the 6 Day Fury. Starting this past Sunday, I consecutively made a post each day. Feel free read the other five, “I Have A Funeral To Attend”, “Wreaking Havoc”, “The Greater Scheme”, “I Need You”, and “Please Don’t Shoot Me Down” if you haven’t already.
Thanks guys!
I Need You
January 16, 2013
Disclaimer: This entry was not written to point the finger at anyone. We are all in the struggle together.
Society has conditioned us to become dependent on things. I can’t express to you the frustration I feel when I go out and realize I left my phone at home or when there is a problem with the wi-fi in my house and I cannot access the Internet. I remember in April of 2011 when a tornado struck parts of my state causing the power to go out in the area I lived in. When the tornado struck I can remember asking some of my friends what they planned to do since the power was going to be out for a couple days. Most of them simply replied, “leave.” A few of them went to Tennessee, and I think one of them even went to Disney World. There was no way they were going to stay in an area where they could not cook, wash, or be stimulated by electronics for a few days. I figured it would be impossible for me to do any of this as well, so I asked my mom if we could go somewhere until the power was restored. I’m not sure if it was because I was so desperate to leave, but I was shocked to hear her say no.
For the next few days, we lived like cavemen. We lit a fire to warm up our food and used flashlights to take showers at night. I would have to sneak in my mom’s car to charge my phone. Since the alarm systems were down, and there was no light at nights, our district had curfew of 9 o’ clock. For the duration of those few days, it felt as if the world was coming to an end. I felt like knights on horses with lances would eventually come running through my neighborhood. It then struck me how dependent I had become modern conveniences. I also found this to be true for my relationships.
I was introduced to my first relationship in high school. I never did obtain the disposition to be a player, and I really enjoyed the consistency and convenience a relationship offered. So I would often times find myself becoming dependent on the person I talked to. If I was having a rough morning I would try to get to school a couple minutes early so she could “cheer me up”. Or if I was bored Saturday night she was “always” available to hang out. The more I fed into these kinds of thought patterns, the more dependent I became on her and she on me. We needed each other. To solidify the security we got from each other, we would spit empty promises back and forth saying, ” I would never do anything to hurt you” or “I will never leave you”. Being imperfect beings, however, one of us would happen to break our promise. Then we would be left broken and with the misbelief that “I need you.”
If you thought I was going on to say, “this is not true however” you’re wrong. Although this repeated fallacy is not true, sometimes it takes more just telling yourself that. Lately, I have been doing a lot of reading a lot on how negatively the misbeliefs we have adopted all our lives can affect us. The book I was reading describes the triad cycle of misbeliefs. First we devalue our self: “Even when I give it my all, I’m always a failure when it comes to relationships.” Then we devalue the situation: “I think this is it. Now I’m really messed up.” Then we devalue prospects for the future: “Yea, I’ll probably be single for a very long time.” Through this negative self-talk, we being to ensteel these misbeliefs, and soon enough they become realities. It’s hard to feed our minds positive yet real thoughts when we have been severely hurt. The object is not to ignore the situation and pretend as if everything is okay. It is to be honest about our emotions while being real about the situation. “Although this experience feels quite depressing at times, I will not die from the emotional pain. Time will soften even the strongest emotions.”
Examine the misbeliefs your have held all you life. Be careful about repeating them to yourself because in time your words may become a reality…
Pretty simple song. Still working on my, vocals, falsettos, and air in my voice, but this will do for the moment.
Just Some Thoughts... 