Just Some Thoughts…

"While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react." -thepositivendeavour

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Cradled

February 23, 2015 — 4 Comments

There is no need to be judgmental. And although her influence is instrumental, we all have sins of our own. She just sings hers a little louder. We’re just seeking someone to look up to. And she was looking to be influenced so one day she could be influential. But I’ve learned we should be careful of our desire to admire people who we think we’d like to be. I don’t know you yet, but if you run across this here are my words of admonition. Set up some kind of moral basis for yourself. Don’t get too disheartened if you stray from the standard you set up in your youth and innocence. It happens to the best of us. Stay nostalgic however. Always yearn to return to the standard you once set for yourself. Understand that time changes things. Time ages things. Time may taint your innocence, and you may become two-faced with your sins. Some days rationality and morality will discern your reason; other days you may be emotionally reasoned. You’ll feel like a hypocrite, and you will get tired of it all. However, you will just have to learn from your mistakes. People will always judge you, and you will always have preconceptions of people. Never act as one who is infallible. Never try to convince people of your character, but rather let your actions paint a caricature of you. Again, be careful who you choose to look up to. If you’re not about what many guys will come at you for, then be careful around females who are. For he neglected bowflex and chose to exercise his index between her legs. She allowed it. Then the index became a little denser. Now she’s an addict. My mother always told me that her mother always told her , “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you who you are.” So show me someone striving for perfection only in utter hopes of achieving some kind of excellence. I hope I told you and showed you I love you, so when another man tells you this it won’t temporarily fill a void in your heart. And “Unto third and fourth generation” of me may cause you and your seed to do somethings that will make God displeased. So please forgive me. I’m just writing to you from future aspirations of me…your father to be. And I would like to say again that I love you. I’ll start practicing from now because pain has caused me to use this phrase lightly. And “Mama/Daddy I love you. My blog speaks for me, but hope I made you proud.” I hope she makes you proud. For if I reap what I have sowed life will owe me a basket of woes. Therefore, I want you know that I love you in the way I treat all the other daughters around me…. So say a prayer for me. Please. The devil will soon be coming for me. I think I have relayed to you what I needed to. I understand my voice grows faint with my age, but my words still carry relevance. I hope God allows me to recieve you from my Womb to Be. Until then, stay safe while I strive to show my love for you. So please forgive me Keke, Corey, Ms. Rose, Ms. Peña, Kay, and young Des. Thanks.

To my precious little lady,

Your Father

The hell’s a lame?

February 12, 2013 — 6 Comments

Disclaimer: No one is obligated to read this entry. Therefore I will not hesitate to use personal experiences to illustrate points I am trying to make.

For the majority of my life, I have tried to dodge that label. I would play it safe so I wouldn’t get raped by their words of hate…hatred towards me of course. I was pretty skilled at it too. You see, as long as I would stay in line and repress any “bright ideas” of mine I was fine. “Don’t worry about upholding the integrity of being true to yourself. Just try to blend in so you can be like the rest of them.” I tried to make myself believe that anyway. The hell’s a lame though? I guess since I have experienced such abuse I can give you an example.

…it must have been the fall semester of 2011, and I was constantly forgetting that I needed to stay clear of the young ladies. I always found some way to convince myself that simply talking to a girl was alright. So I did exactly that. I started talking to this PYT (pretty young thang) that I had no intention of getting into anything serious with. Everything was going smoothly, and my feelings for this girl eventually began to accumulate. Surprise. We were hanging out one day and decided to take a picture together. I can’t remember if we were seriously talking at this point, but all I know is that, that picture soon became her profile picture on Facebook. I was chilling thinking that everyone would be happy for us, but this was not the case. At the time I was unaware, but one of her boys became kinda hostile towards the new profile pic. No worries though; in reality he was/is a soft-spoken young lad, but behind close doors he wanted to slander me. All of a sudden comments like “Who the hell is this lame ass nigga your taking lovie dovie pictures with” were being made. Ironically, I had never even met this dude, so I began to become suspicious about why he used those words to depict me. Further investigation led me to believe that there may have been potential feelings between him and the girl I was talking to…before I came through and started talking to her.

I take it he may have been a little envious, but was there really a need to call me lame? What does this word that is often thrown around actually mean? In this situation, I assume he didn’t conjure up the word lame based on my ability to successfully talk to a female. So what was the context? I often hear many self-proclaimed “cool people” call others that they feel are lower than them lame. I never did understand why people who were supposedly so confident in themselves go the distance to put others down. Obviously not all people do this, but I have seen it happen enough for it to draw my attention.

From the brief time that I have been in college, I have observed that the people who others consider “cool” are usually just at the fore front of what everyone else is doing. So while many dudes are having sex with multiple girls, “that guy” is not only having sex with multiple girls but is also smashing the cute/seemingly innocent one’s as well. Or while everyone is fashionable in their own way, “that person” tries to take fashion to the next level by putting cuffs in his/her slim fit pants to show off the colorful patterned socks they’re wearing or by having the heaviest rotation of Jay’s. Their excess of girls or shoes is what separates them from everyone else. Now they have the authority put others down because they are cool.

Some of the people I silently admire the most are the people who are the truest to themselves. I can think of one guy who worked at the front desk of the dorm I was staying in last semester. This dude was no where near the coolest guy on campus. In fact, I witnessed instances in which people made inside jokes about him right in front of his face. He was not equipped with the latest fashion. His somewhat awkward walk was not complimented by his tall stance. The pitch of his voice didn’t help him either; however, I feel like he was/is one of the coolest people on campus. And if I mentioned his name I am sure everyone who attends the university I attended would recognize it.

If being lame means being true to yourself although others may find it unacceptably different, then I guess I’m on a mission to get there…

Primer

February 10, 2013

Disclaimer: Meditate on this concept, and don’t be afraid to giggle. That includes those of you with hardened hearts.

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” -Bill Cosby

Yes, I am your primer. I mean seriously, what is wrong with you guys? Why has your life become a schedule? Why are you falling into the cycle? Just think about it for a moment. You wake up every morning and hopefully brush your teeth. Swell. Then if you are in a relationship or talking to someone you probably rush to your phone to see if your significant other has sent you a good morning text. That’s cool. And for those of you who are single, there are always the potential Instagram and Facebook notifications. It’s okay; we’re in this together. After your finished with all that, you may have your devotions. I would love to assume it came before you checked the text messages or notifications, but I’m going to take a guess and say it doesn’t. Don’t stone me if I’m wrong. You proceed to do whatever other morning rituals you have, and then you go to class or work. The lecture goes well, and you probably pat yourself on the back for taking good notes. After all, your progressing in life right? Your going to class, to make the grades, to get the degree, to get the job. There’s nothing wrong with any of this, and it would be nonsense if I told you that you were wasting your time….

I was on Facebook a couple weeks back, and I ran across a post one of my FB friends wrote. It basically said, “I don’t like school. I am just here to get a degree so can get a job to support my family.” Although that is not necessarily my attitude towards school, I totally respected what this person was saying. It was better than dropping out and deciding to pursue a rapping career. I have nothing against that either. In fact, I commend those people who are ambitious enough to do that. What if people pursued their personal goals while continuing their education however? As a Biology major, I fully understand how it feels to be consumed by your major. I also understand that “you will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.”-Charles Buxton This becomes even more of a reality the older a person gets. Free time begins to dwindle, responsibilities begin to accumulate, tax jokes will soon be made, physical strength and energy usually lessen, creativity weakens, etc. Yea, the odds are pretty much against you. So why not start now?

There was a time I became so consumed by my major and other responsibilities that I began to neglect my personal goals. I wouldn’t touch my guitar for weeks at a time. I didn’t write any songs or anything at that besides in my journal or in my notes in class. I threw my fitness goals out of the window saying, “I don’t really have time to exercise.” My dream of potentially starting a blog was put to rest. The thought of going abroad to learn Spanish was forgotten. I basically had no innovation. I thought that if I got into medical school and eventually became I physician I would be thoroughly content. I would be able to support my family. I would be able to cater to people’s physical needs. I would be respected in my community. I would essentially be accomplished…or so I thought.

In the past couple of months, I have been forced to reconsider the meaning and purpose of my life. I probably shouldn’t be here today, but thank God I am. I had limited the meaning of life in my mind, so when particular things happened I felt as if my world was coming to a close. I soon began to realize that this was not true. I started to realize that I had gifts that needed to be cultivated in order for me to reach others. I would never be able to cultivate any of these gifts in the classroom either. So I began to blog and force myself to play my guitar more via video posts I made on Facebook. It was amazing to start hearing people tell me that my words were able to help them. I was humbled. I am humbled. If I neglected to start, however, this would never have happened. My peers that were encouraged by my blog would have never heard from me.

My dad and I were conversing this morning and he said something to me that still resonates in my head. We were having a conversation about some school work that needed to be done and he said, “Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is to start.” The truth of his statement struck me, and I was compelled to write this entry for you. So now that you have been primed…

Please start…

All You Need Is Monday…

January 2, 2013

Disclaimer: I am not opposed to any of the practices of bringing in the the New Year. All I wish to do is offer a different perspective. Disclaimers from other entries still apply.

These bloody New Year resolutions! Okay, okay hold on. Before you stop reading this entry just hear me out. I was you last year. I participated in all the rituals of bringing in the New Year. I made the list of things I would accomplish in 2012, and 2011,and 2010, and so on. I confessed all my faults from the previous year and even gave myself little pats on the romp when I began steer off course. I also became very discouraged after realizing that no more than 3 months into the year I had already begun to stray away from the resolutions I made.

I’d feel really bad knowing that I squandered my opportunity to accomplish and do things differently than I did in the previous year. I still indulged in habits I said I would stop, and I did not even begin to conquer all the undertakings I had assigned for myself. Years would go by, and I really didn’t see much changing. So your probably thinking, “Where is he going with all this?” Is he trying to stop me from making my frivolous New Year resolutions!? Well yes, that is exactly what I’m trying to do. No, no definitely joking *insidious laugh*. Stay with me.

It may just be me, but take a minute to reflect on all the resolutions you have made in the past few years. Hats off to the exceptional few who even remember what they are much less stuck with them. Now take another minute to recognize how many of those resolutions you discontinued before the year was half way over. Take this last minute to cry because you failed at every one of these tasks. It’s okay let it out. Here’s a napkin. Now you need to dry your wet eyes and ask yourself a couple questions. What went wrong each year? Why do I find myself making the same New Year resolutions every year? When will I accomplish the resolutions I have made for myself? How can I be more dedicated and consistent?

Brothers and sister I have come to tell you that it’s okay to ask yourself these questions. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m no psychologist, but I will suggest that there is a psychology behind all this. I’m not sure if it’s because I have a job now, but I am just really realizing that New Years is an actual holiday. Some people attend special church services to bring in the New Year. Some people go to the livest parties. Whichever you decided to do I think we can all agree that New Years is a big deal. The former things in your life are passed away. You finally get the chance to have a new start! Right? Not so. By no means am I saying that a new year cannot symbolize a fresh start; however, this is not the only time you can create or your renew resolutions.

All you need is Monday… Happy New Years.

Those Slum Days

December 29, 2012 — 5 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written with the hope of encouraging someone. This entry was written to encourage myself.

“While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.” -thepositivendeavour

Although science proves that some people have chemical imbalances that give them a greater disposition to feel down, we all have had a “slum day” in our life. I have noticed a number of things that have had the ability to dampen my mood. It could be something as simple as a gloomy day or an unprecedented wave of guilt. So when I got to college I purposed to do two things. Create a pleasurable environment via the people I surrounded myself with and the activities I indulged in, and meet as many people as I could. I basically did this for the first couple of weeks until I got into a relationship. I noticed that I began to segregated myself from others and that I was going in the opposite direction from which I intended.

When my relationship came to an end I was pretty bummed because not only did I experience an unbearable sense of loneliness, but I also felt as if I would never be able to mend some of the relationships I sabotaged. This was partially true. However, I’m glad things played out the way they did. You see, the high school I attended was very small. I had a group of buddies I used to hang out with all the time. We even had a name for ourselves (League Of Extraordinary Freshness or L.O.E.F) and had people asking what they could do to get in our group. I would not be hesitant to say we were pretty cool. What my experience in college revealed to me, however, was that for most of my life I fed off others to feel confident about myself. I know this to be true because when I got to college, and realized that the structure of it did not promote me to be constantly surrounded by people, I felt lost. I was confused about the person I was when all of my “support” was stripped away from me. I wanted to meet as many people as I could not necessarily because I cared so much about these people but because I wanted the security of knowing that I was known. I wanted to be popular.

My desire to have others fuel my confidence became very stressful especially since I spent the majority of my time with one person. After my relationship ended, I ran to others for confidence. I got into another relationship for constant support. I fought to fix my situation until one day I realized the problem. Time would pass, and my situations would eventually fade away, but nothing would really change until I solved the problem with me. I began to wonder how I could possible acquire enough confidence within myself to live for myself. I wondered how it would feel to live outside of the jurisdiction of other’s opinions or views about me. I wondered how it would feel to be unmoved by the way others perceived me. I wondered how it would feel to live freely.

Truth is, I am still on my journey to discovering all of this. I have my slum days, and I often get discouraged. But when I am faced with these discouragements I try to remember that “while we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.”

Stay safe, and stay encouraged my friends.