Just Some Thoughts…

"While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react." -thepositivendeavour

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Primer

February 10, 2013

Disclaimer: Meditate on this concept, and don’t be afraid to giggle. That includes those of you with hardened hearts.

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” -Bill Cosby

Yes, I am your primer. I mean seriously, what is wrong with you guys? Why has your life become a schedule? Why are you falling into the cycle? Just think about it for a moment. You wake up every morning and hopefully brush your teeth. Swell. Then if you are in a relationship or talking to someone you probably rush to your phone to see if your significant other has sent you a good morning text. That’s cool. And for those of you who are single, there are always the potential Instagram and Facebook notifications. It’s okay; we’re in this together. After your finished with all that, you may have your devotions. I would love to assume it came before you checked the text messages or notifications, but I’m going to take a guess and say it doesn’t. Don’t stone me if I’m wrong. You proceed to do whatever other morning rituals you have, and then you go to class or work. The lecture goes well, and you probably pat yourself on the back for taking good notes. After all, your progressing in life right? Your going to class, to make the grades, to get the degree, to get the job. There’s nothing wrong with any of this, and it would be nonsense if I told you that you were wasting your time….

I was on Facebook a couple weeks back, and I ran across a post one of my FB friends wrote. It basically said, “I don’t like school. I am just here to get a degree so can get a job to support my family.” Although that is not necessarily my attitude towards school, I totally respected what this person was saying. It was better than dropping out and deciding to pursue a rapping career. I have nothing against that either. In fact, I commend those people who are ambitious enough to do that. What if people pursued their personal goals while continuing their education however? As a Biology major, I fully understand how it feels to be consumed by your major. I also understand that “you will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.”-Charles Buxton This becomes even more of a reality the older a person gets. Free time begins to dwindle, responsibilities begin to accumulate, tax jokes will soon be made, physical strength and energy usually lessen, creativity weakens, etc. Yea, the odds are pretty much against you. So why not start now?

There was a time I became so consumed by my major and other responsibilities that I began to neglect my personal goals. I wouldn’t touch my guitar for weeks at a time. I didn’t write any songs or anything at that besides in my journal or in my notes in class. I threw my fitness goals out of the window saying, “I don’t really have time to exercise.” My dream of potentially starting a blog was put to rest. The thought of going abroad to learn Spanish was forgotten. I basically had no innovation. I thought that if I got into medical school and eventually became I physician I would be thoroughly content. I would be able to support my family. I would be able to cater to people’s physical needs. I would be respected in my community. I would essentially be accomplished…or so I thought.

In the past couple of months, I have been forced to reconsider the meaning and purpose of my life. I probably shouldn’t be here today, but thank God I am. I had limited the meaning of life in my mind, so when particular things happened I felt as if my world was coming to a close. I soon began to realize that this was not true. I started to realize that I had gifts that needed to be cultivated in order for me to reach others. I would never be able to cultivate any of these gifts in the classroom either. So I began to blog and force myself to play my guitar more via video posts I made on Facebook. It was amazing to start hearing people tell me that my words were able to help them. I was humbled. I am humbled. If I neglected to start, however, this would never have happened. My peers that were encouraged by my blog would have never heard from me.

My dad and I were conversing this morning and he said something to me that still resonates in my head. We were having a conversation about some school work that needed to be done and he said, “Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is to start.” The truth of his statement struck me, and I was compelled to write this entry for you. So now that you have been primed…

Please start…

Masochist

February 5, 2013

This girl learned to love pain. She was no sadist, but she did learn to embrace pain. After all, she had been conditioned to be that way. She wasn’t the strongest kid growing up, although she had a big heart. She wasn’t the smartest kid in the class, although she had a fierce determination. For most of her childhood and adolescent life she lived by a simple theory. “Be kind. Keep quiet.” It was those two principles that keep her self-esteem from being lowered even more by her peers. If she was quiet enough, she wouldn’t draw extra attention to herself. If she was nice enough, she could dodge a couple of jokes. This worked for the most part. She was never required to face herself, so she became complacent with having the dirt as her neighbors and friends. Her parents did not challenge the misbelief’s she had about herself. In fact, some of the harmless jokes they made about her contributed to the accumulation of some of her insecurities. Life for her was no harder than life for any other kids her age. There were no traumatic experiences to be discussed nor cried over.

Middle school…

The insecurities that flourished for the majority of her life were finally challenged. She could no longer hold onto the insecurity of having wickedly crooked teeth. Her braces fixed that. She was no longer handicapped, unable to sprint more than a few feet before passing out. Her persistence and determination in her exercise regimen had strengthened her lungs. She could for miles at a time now. Facial scares that were acquired during her childhood began to fade away due to years of proper treatment. She began to dress well, and she steadily began to become somewhat fashionable. Physically, she transforming into a very pretty girl. Mentally, nothing changed.

High school…

More guys started to notice her. Her figure began to accentuate, and her face cleared from puberty. She looked like a totally different person, and guys were not hesitant to tell her how attractive she was. Then she got a boyfriend…and got hurt. Then another boyfriend…and returned that hurt. Then one more boyfriend…and got scarred. This was nothing new to her however. She got to the point where she was used to feeling low. She would pray for things to get better, but deep down inside she seemed to contradict her prayers. Although she said she wanted to get better, she was so accustomed to feeling down. She was almost content with inhabiting ground. She was the dirt those above her treaded upon. She was the mud that those living in the clouds rained on. If there ever was a time she was happy, she would anticipate the pain of sorrow because had grown to love it. A true masochist.

We may stay afloat in our sorrows or swim in our victories. -thepositivendeavour

Please Don’t Shoot Me Down…

January 17, 2013

Disclaimer: Thank you.

6 a.m in the morning: “Good-mor-ning!” “Ghono, where are you?” *Finds sister, squeezes her cheeks* “La ta ta tumm. La tee tee tee.” “Mom I think I heard a mouse when I was home yesterday. In fact, I may be delusional, but I think he even stopped and said whats up to me while scurrying across the kitchen floor.” *Blows on mothers arm in order to make farting noise* “De-mahdd, De-mahdddd, De-mahahahahadddd!” *Proceeds to squeeze little brothers head*

This is how my typical morning starts. As a kid, I never really understood why people cherished sleep so much. I mean off all the mischief a lil rascal could be doing your telling me he should go to sleep? Psssh, no way. I don’t think getting older changed this philosophy much. Well, besides the mischief part *senile croak*. Nonetheless, a couple mornings ago I woke up very hyper and excited. Yes, maybe I needed to be “dumbed down” a little, but it was not anything my family wasn’t used to seeing. I went downstairs to the kitchen and immediately began to see who I could rush with all my energy. Target acquired. Ready. Steady. Attack.

I was immediately rebutted with a “stank attitude” from the sibling I attacked (not saying which one). I must admit that I was a bit surprised. A bunch of thoughts started running through my head. “First of all, it’s not like I’m doing something foreign.” “Second of all, it’s me! At the most, you usually just brush me off.” “Third of all…you just can’t do that to me! I know I’m annoying you, but either let me get to you or just go with the flow of things.” I was confused. I didn’t know what to do. When I entered the kitchen I was on cloud 9, and now I was like on cloud 8 an a half. Maybe even 8. I was determined to stay lively; however, so I switched my method from trying to bother this particular sibling to trying to cheer them up. After a couple failed jokes and attempts to tickle them, I started to realize that I was falling from a great height. By the time this sibling was ready to go to school, I was mellowed out. And it didn’t help that I was the only “morning person” in my family either. I found it kinda funny that the people I woke up to that morning had such an impact on my mood. I went from being straight giddy to chill. I can imagine how I would have felt if I had already been relaxed that morning, then was confronted with the dull spirit of my family. Probably pretty sad.

I found that this scenario had a striking connection to the people I surrounded myself with. I’m sure everyone has known a person that is such a joy to be around. I’m sure some know the opposite of this as well. Recently, I decided that if I couldn’t lift anyone up because and of all the complaints I had, then I didn’t need to be around anyone at all. I could mourn, carry on, and complain to myself. I didn’t need anyone’s help with that. So I went ghost. People would come up to me and say, “Bakari, I haven’t seen you in a while” or “Dude where have you been!?” I would then reply, “Ahhh, well you know….”

Then I decided to reappear and start this blog. I didn’t know exactly what I would be blogging about, but I knew I wanted to accomplish three things. Provide people with content that could make them laugh/smile. Provide people with content that was thought-provoking/relevant while interesting. Provide people with some form of encouragement. So if your reading this entry I would just like to say thank you for your support. I hope some of my words or videos have caused you to think, smile, or be encouraged in some way.

Thank you. Be blessed.

I Need You

January 16, 2013

Disclaimer: This entry was not written to point the finger at anyone. We are all in the struggle together.

Society has conditioned us to become dependent on things. I can’t express to you the frustration I feel when I go out and realize I left my phone at home or when there is a problem with the wi-fi in my house and I cannot access the Internet. I remember in April of 2011 when a tornado struck parts of my state causing the power to go out in the area I lived in. When the tornado struck I can remember asking some of my friends what they planned to do since the power was going to be out for a couple days. Most of them simply replied, “leave.” A few of them went to Tennessee, and I think one of them even went to Disney World. There was no way they were going to stay in an area where they could not cook, wash, or be stimulated by electronics for a few days. I figured it would be impossible for me to do any of this as well, so I asked my mom if we could go somewhere until the power was restored. I’m not sure if it was because I was so desperate to leave, but I was shocked to hear her say no.

For the next few days, we lived like cavemen. We lit a fire to warm up our food and used flashlights to take showers at night. I would have to sneak in my mom’s car to charge my phone. Since the alarm systems were down, and there was no light at nights, our district had curfew of 9 o’ clock. For the duration of those few days, it felt as if the world was coming to an end. I felt like knights on horses with lances would eventually come running through my neighborhood. It then struck me how dependent I had become modern conveniences. I also found this to be true for my relationships.

I was introduced to my first relationship in high school. I never did obtain the disposition to be a player, and I really enjoyed the consistency and convenience a relationship offered. So I would often times find myself becoming dependent on the person I talked to. If I was having a rough morning I would try to get to school a couple minutes early so she could “cheer me up”. Or if I was bored Saturday night she was “always” available to hang out. The more I fed into these kinds of thought patterns, the more dependent I became on her and she on me. We needed each other. To solidify the security we got from each other, we would spit empty promises back and forth saying, ” I would never do anything to hurt you” or “I will never leave you”. Being imperfect beings, however, one of us would happen to break our promise. Then we would be left broken and with the misbelief that “I need you.”

If you thought I was going on to say, “this is not true however” you’re wrong. Although this repeated fallacy is not true, sometimes it takes more just telling yourself that. Lately, I have been doing a lot of reading a lot on how negatively the misbeliefs we have adopted all our lives can affect us. The book I was reading describes the triad cycle of misbeliefs. First we devalue our self: “Even when I give it my all, I’m always a failure when it comes to relationships.” Then we devalue the situation: “I think this is it. Now I’m really messed up.” Then we devalue prospects for the future: “Yea, I’ll probably be single for a very long time.” Through this negative self-talk, we being to ensteel these misbeliefs, and soon enough they become realities. It’s hard to feed our minds positive yet real thoughts when we have been severely hurt. The object is not to ignore the situation and pretend as if everything is okay. It is to be honest about our emotions while being real about the situation. “Although this experience feels quite depressing at times, I will not die from the emotional pain. Time will soften even the strongest emotions.”

Examine the misbeliefs your have held all you life. Be careful about repeating them to yourself because in time your words may become a reality…

The Greater Scheme

January 15, 2013 — 4 Comments

Disclaimer: Open your mind.

I have been told before that I think too much. This may be true. Most people would consider over thinking a bad thing. I have always seen it as something to look down upon, but lately I have begun to reconsider. Why? Because I kinda get a high off the introspection of myself and my life. Why? Ohh well because I feel somewhat optimistic about my future. Why? Gosh, because I think I am finally realizing that God has purposed for me to do something special in this life just as He has every other human being on this earth. Cliché?

Think about it. When was the last time you sat down and looked at yourself in the mirror then looked outside and asked yourself the question, “How many of me are there?” If you really have to contemplate this question that is a good thing. However, if you are honest with yourself and can name a plethora of others just like you, then maybe you should consider how true you are being to yourself. I’m not saying that everyone was put on this earth to be a unique individual, but there is something unique about every human being. Find it, and expose it.

When I’m alone, and even sometimes when I am around people, I have a tendency to fall into deep thought. I have become pretty good at making my “trances” unnoticeable, but best believe that something is always going on inside my head. I was ironing and washing last night, and I began to become fatigued because it was so late. I wanted to just stop, jump in my bed, and finish what I was doing in the morning. Then I started to think about “the greater scheme” of things. I was ironing because I wanted to be prepared for an interview I had the next day. I wanted to do this the night before the interview because I didn’t want to risk not being prepared for the interview. I couldn’t risk not being prepared because I needed the job. I needed the job because I need money. I need money because I need equipment. I need equipment for some of the personal projects I am working on. Once I begin to consecutively complete theses projects I will be on my way to achieving some of my life goals. If I achieve what it is I feel I was placed on this earth to do, then in my latter years of life I will not have to say “I wish I did…”

Do you see the thought that can come from just ironing and washing a couple of clothes for an interview? I know this may seem like a bit much for the average thinker, but I feel that is how we have to treat life sometimes. The little things we do now will lead up to the greater scheme of life. No one just hits an age in which everything just comes together for them. It starts now. The next time you are tempted to half-step a seemingly frivolous task just remember you are working towards your future with the little tasks you are completing now.

Blessings.

“I Forgive You”

January 9, 2013 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written to be thought-provoking. Opinions are given. Religious view are used.

Lately, I have been haunted by the words “I forgive you.” Growing up I was always taught to forgive others when they wronged you. My religion exposed me to Bible verses such as Mark 11:25 which says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Sermons about forgiveness were often preached at church. Forgiveness was not an option but rather a requirement. Moreover, of all the sins and vices the world struggled with, the least a person could do was forgive. Right? And I mean who wants to know their sins won’t be forgiven by God if they have not forgiven their neighbor? Forgiveness was a given. When I was younger I can even recall being forced to say “I forgive you” if one of my siblings apologized to me after doing something wrong. Because I was obedient I said what my parents wanted to hear, but that did not keep me from silently harboring the negative feelings I had. Early on in life, I noticed that little things would get to me very easily. In addition to being affected by these seemingly petty things, I would also internalize whatever bothered me. I became so accustomed to saying I forgive you out of habit that I could hold a grudge against someone while “forgiving” them. I mastered it. You probably did too.

You see, while everyone taught me that I should forgive they forgot to teach me how to forgive. Now that I am older and my life is more involved I have come to realize the importance of being able to forgive. Earlier today, I was browsing the internet in search of information on forgiveness. I would like to share one definition I found that stuck out to me. Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness as “a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.” Pretty simple. I also ran across two interesting quotes about forgiveness. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory” -Rita Mae Brown and “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”-Unknown author

These two quotes immediately raised two thoughts in my head. 1. As humans, we are extremely selfish. 2. Not one person on this earth deserves peace. How could this be? I think it is obvious that humans are naturally self-centered. Some more than others. But how could no one deserve peace!? It’s easy to look at the second quote and say, “Whoaaa, this is AMAZING!” However, that again is a reminder of our selfish human nature. A person is hurt, and they want to move on with their life and get over a situation. So they “forgive” but with the attitude that the other person does not deserve their forgiveness but is “humbly” receiving it. The person doing the “forgiving” approaches the situation with a sense of entitlement. They forgive because THEY deserve peace. In reality, however, this person really deserves nothing. How could one deserve peace when they themselves have wronged others in the most unforgivable ways? How does a person deserve peace when they have stolen the peace and sanity of others? They don’t. None of us do.

Although the definition quoted earlier was a very simple one, it removed the self-centered focus out of forgiveness and replaced it with a selfless one. I would like to suggest that forgiveness is for more than one person. Forgiveness is for one’s self and for others. Since none of us deserve forgiveness or peace of mind, we all should agree. I believe the quote by Martin Luther King Jr, “forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude,” embodies the true meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness does not stop after you forgive a person. Forgiveness is the attitude you have towards a person and life after you have been hurt. We should not forgive others just to say we have forgiven them or because we think we deserve peace.

“We should forgive because none of us deserve the freedom that comes with it.”-thepositivendeavour

“Forgiveness is the attitude you have towards a person and life after you have been hurt.” -thepositivendeavour

“Forgiveness is…

January 9, 2013

Yes we’re human, but if we strive for perfection at least we can count on achieving excellence. -thepositivendeavour

Yes we’re human…

January 5, 2013

All You Need Is Monday…

January 2, 2013

Disclaimer: I am not opposed to any of the practices of bringing in the the New Year. All I wish to do is offer a different perspective. Disclaimers from other entries still apply.

These bloody New Year resolutions! Okay, okay hold on. Before you stop reading this entry just hear me out. I was you last year. I participated in all the rituals of bringing in the New Year. I made the list of things I would accomplish in 2012, and 2011,and 2010, and so on. I confessed all my faults from the previous year and even gave myself little pats on the romp when I began steer off course. I also became very discouraged after realizing that no more than 3 months into the year I had already begun to stray away from the resolutions I made.

I’d feel really bad knowing that I squandered my opportunity to accomplish and do things differently than I did in the previous year. I still indulged in habits I said I would stop, and I did not even begin to conquer all the undertakings I had assigned for myself. Years would go by, and I really didn’t see much changing. So your probably thinking, “Where is he going with all this?” Is he trying to stop me from making my frivolous New Year resolutions!? Well yes, that is exactly what I’m trying to do. No, no definitely joking *insidious laugh*. Stay with me.

It may just be me, but take a minute to reflect on all the resolutions you have made in the past few years. Hats off to the exceptional few who even remember what they are much less stuck with them. Now take another minute to recognize how many of those resolutions you discontinued before the year was half way over. Take this last minute to cry because you failed at every one of these tasks. It’s okay let it out. Here’s a napkin. Now you need to dry your wet eyes and ask yourself a couple questions. What went wrong each year? Why do I find myself making the same New Year resolutions every year? When will I accomplish the resolutions I have made for myself? How can I be more dedicated and consistent?

Brothers and sister I have come to tell you that it’s okay to ask yourself these questions. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m no psychologist, but I will suggest that there is a psychology behind all this. I’m not sure if it’s because I have a job now, but I am just really realizing that New Years is an actual holiday. Some people attend special church services to bring in the New Year. Some people go to the livest parties. Whichever you decided to do I think we can all agree that New Years is a big deal. The former things in your life are passed away. You finally get the chance to have a new start! Right? Not so. By no means am I saying that a new year cannot symbolize a fresh start; however, this is not the only time you can create or your renew resolutions.

All you need is Monday… Happy New Years.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

December 24, 2012 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience of Christmas when I was growing up. I love to help people, and I would consider myself a pretty generous person. Exaggerations may be used.

Christmas. Ohh Christmas. It’s the sweetest time of year. Carols are sung everywhere, and sweet baby Jesus often appears. Everyone wants to share. Happiness fills the air, and snow flakes are everywhere. T’was the spirit of Christmas….

Wellll…I can’t say it was exactly like this for me growing up. First off, this was a very stressful season for me. I am not sure about anyone else, but I had very high expectations for the Christmas season. When I was younger, I did not have a steady flow of income like some of my peers did. I don’t necessarily mean a job either. I am talking about this thing Americans call an allowance. Yeaaa…I’m Guyanese. Some of my peers splurged money throughout the year because they had all this allowance money to spend. I mean these kids were straight ballers. So when Christmas came around I was definitely not thinking about giving. In fact, if my parents would have made me give on Christmas I probably would have cried…actually wept. That’s real.

Anyway, this was a stressful season for me because I knew that, besides my birthday, this would be the only time I would really receive gifts. Therefore, my mission for the weeks preceding Christmas was to compile a detailed list of the things I needed to have on that day. I can recall one Christmas a couple of years back when I informed my parents of exactly what I wanted. I did not have enough faith in them to believe they would get me what I asked for, so I took it upon myself make sure that they did. I would give them frequent reminders of my “requirements” for Christmas day. It must have been about 2 days before this particular Christmas one year, and I was anxious. Mind you, this was dangerous for a kid like me because I already had a hyper/anxious disposition. That day I turned the whole house upside down trying to find where my parents stashed my presents. I eventually found most of them in shower in my basement.

Honestly, I kinda spoiled my Christmas that year because as soon as I saw what I got I wanted more. As the years went by, this did not get any better. My Christmas’ were still stressful, but that all changed this year. You see, for the first Christmas in my life I have a job. Yeaa it sucked knowing I would be expected to “give” people gifts this year! I went out this morning feeling depressed about having to spend money on others, but when I bought the first gift I…I actually felt all warm and fuzzy inside. It felt so good. Next thing you know I was cashin out, but it was not for myself this time. I was cashin out for others. I finally understood what it felt like to be in the true spirit of Christmas.

Although you may be compelled to get then give, it’s sometimes better to just give. If you get something in return just count it as a blessing.

Merry Christmas my friends.