Just Some Thoughts…

"While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react." -thepositivendeavour

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Masochist

February 5, 2013

This girl learned to love pain. She was no sadist, but she did learn to embrace pain. After all, she had been conditioned to be that way. She wasn’t the strongest kid growing up, although she had a big heart. She wasn’t the smartest kid in the class, although she had a fierce determination. For most of her childhood and adolescent life she lived by a simple theory. “Be kind. Keep quiet.” It was those two principles that keep her self-esteem from being lowered even more by her peers. If she was quiet enough, she wouldn’t draw extra attention to herself. If she was nice enough, she could dodge a couple of jokes. This worked for the most part. She was never required to face herself, so she became complacent with having the dirt as her neighbors and friends. Her parents did not challenge the misbelief’s she had about herself. In fact, some of the harmless jokes they made about her contributed to the accumulation of some of her insecurities. Life for her was no harder than life for any other kids her age. There were no traumatic experiences to be discussed nor cried over.

Middle school…

The insecurities that flourished for the majority of her life were finally challenged. She could no longer hold onto the insecurity of having wickedly crooked teeth. Her braces fixed that. She was no longer handicapped, unable to sprint more than a few feet before passing out. Her persistence and determination in her exercise regimen had strengthened her lungs. She could for miles at a time now. Facial scares that were acquired during her childhood began to fade away due to years of proper treatment. She began to dress well, and she steadily began to become somewhat fashionable. Physically, she transforming into a very pretty girl. Mentally, nothing changed.

High school…

More guys started to notice her. Her figure began to accentuate, and her face cleared from puberty. She looked like a totally different person, and guys were not hesitant to tell her how attractive she was. Then she got a boyfriend…and got hurt. Then another boyfriend…and returned that hurt. Then one more boyfriend…and got scarred. This was nothing new to her however. She got to the point where she was used to feeling low. She would pray for things to get better, but deep down inside she seemed to contradict her prayers. Although she said she wanted to get better, she was so accustomed to feeling down. She was almost content with inhabiting ground. She was the dirt those above her treaded upon. She was the mud that those living in the clouds rained on. If there ever was a time she was happy, she would anticipate the pain of sorrow because had grown to love it. A true masochist.

We may stay afloat in our sorrows or swim in our victories. -thepositivendeavour

“I Forgive You”

January 9, 2013 — 2 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written to be thought-provoking. Opinions are given. Religious view are used.

Lately, I have been haunted by the words “I forgive you.” Growing up I was always taught to forgive others when they wronged you. My religion exposed me to Bible verses such as Mark 11:25 which says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Sermons about forgiveness were often preached at church. Forgiveness was not an option but rather a requirement. Moreover, of all the sins and vices the world struggled with, the least a person could do was forgive. Right? And I mean who wants to know their sins won’t be forgiven by God if they have not forgiven their neighbor? Forgiveness was a given. When I was younger I can even recall being forced to say “I forgive you” if one of my siblings apologized to me after doing something wrong. Because I was obedient I said what my parents wanted to hear, but that did not keep me from silently harboring the negative feelings I had. Early on in life, I noticed that little things would get to me very easily. In addition to being affected by these seemingly petty things, I would also internalize whatever bothered me. I became so accustomed to saying I forgive you out of habit that I could hold a grudge against someone while “forgiving” them. I mastered it. You probably did too.

You see, while everyone taught me that I should forgive they forgot to teach me how to forgive. Now that I am older and my life is more involved I have come to realize the importance of being able to forgive. Earlier today, I was browsing the internet in search of information on forgiveness. I would like to share one definition I found that stuck out to me. Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness as “a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.” Pretty simple. I also ran across two interesting quotes about forgiveness. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory” -Rita Mae Brown and “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”-Unknown author

These two quotes immediately raised two thoughts in my head. 1. As humans, we are extremely selfish. 2. Not one person on this earth deserves peace. How could this be? I think it is obvious that humans are naturally self-centered. Some more than others. But how could no one deserve peace!? It’s easy to look at the second quote and say, “Whoaaa, this is AMAZING!” However, that again is a reminder of our selfish human nature. A person is hurt, and they want to move on with their life and get over a situation. So they “forgive” but with the attitude that the other person does not deserve their forgiveness but is “humbly” receiving it. The person doing the “forgiving” approaches the situation with a sense of entitlement. They forgive because THEY deserve peace. In reality, however, this person really deserves nothing. How could one deserve peace when they themselves have wronged others in the most unforgivable ways? How does a person deserve peace when they have stolen the peace and sanity of others? They don’t. None of us do.

Although the definition quoted earlier was a very simple one, it removed the self-centered focus out of forgiveness and replaced it with a selfless one. I would like to suggest that forgiveness is for more than one person. Forgiveness is for one’s self and for others. Since none of us deserve forgiveness or peace of mind, we all should agree. I believe the quote by Martin Luther King Jr, “forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude,” embodies the true meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness does not stop after you forgive a person. Forgiveness is the attitude you have towards a person and life after you have been hurt. We should not forgive others just to say we have forgiven them or because we think we deserve peace.

“We should forgive because none of us deserve the freedom that comes with it.”-thepositivendeavour

“Forgiveness is the attitude you have towards a person and life after you have been hurt.” -thepositivendeavour

“Forgiveness is…

January 9, 2013

Yes we’re human, but if we strive for perfection at least we can count on achieving excellence. -thepositivendeavour

Yes we’re human…

January 5, 2013

Those Slum Days

December 29, 2012 — 5 Comments

Disclaimer: This entry was written with the hope of encouraging someone. This entry was written to encourage myself.

“While we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.” -thepositivendeavour

Although science proves that some people have chemical imbalances that give them a greater disposition to feel down, we all have had a “slum day” in our life. I have noticed a number of things that have had the ability to dampen my mood. It could be something as simple as a gloomy day or an unprecedented wave of guilt. So when I got to college I purposed to do two things. Create a pleasurable environment via the people I surrounded myself with and the activities I indulged in, and meet as many people as I could. I basically did this for the first couple of weeks until I got into a relationship. I noticed that I began to segregated myself from others and that I was going in the opposite direction from which I intended.

When my relationship came to an end I was pretty bummed because not only did I experience an unbearable sense of loneliness, but I also felt as if I would never be able to mend some of the relationships I sabotaged. This was partially true. However, I’m glad things played out the way they did. You see, the high school I attended was very small. I had a group of buddies I used to hang out with all the time. We even had a name for ourselves (League Of Extraordinary Freshness or L.O.E.F) and had people asking what they could do to get in our group. I would not be hesitant to say we were pretty cool. What my experience in college revealed to me, however, was that for most of my life I fed off others to feel confident about myself. I know this to be true because when I got to college, and realized that the structure of it did not promote me to be constantly surrounded by people, I felt lost. I was confused about the person I was when all of my “support” was stripped away from me. I wanted to meet as many people as I could not necessarily because I cared so much about these people but because I wanted the security of knowing that I was known. I wanted to be popular.

My desire to have others fuel my confidence became very stressful especially since I spent the majority of my time with one person. After my relationship ended, I ran to others for confidence. I got into another relationship for constant support. I fought to fix my situation until one day I realized the problem. Time would pass, and my situations would eventually fade away, but nothing would really change until I solved the problem with me. I began to wonder how I could possible acquire enough confidence within myself to live for myself. I wondered how it would feel to live outside of the jurisdiction of other’s opinions or views about me. I wondered how it would feel to be unmoved by the way others perceived me. I wondered how it would feel to live freely.

Truth is, I am still on my journey to discovering all of this. I have my slum days, and I often get discouraged. But when I am faced with these discouragements I try to remember that “while we are encompassed by a world of problems, it is our responsibility to decide how we react.”

Stay safe, and stay encouraged my friends.