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I can remember when I was a child. Everything took on the characteristic of happiness. All of my days seemed bright, and the only stress that would occasionally plague my soul was the anticipation of a spanking. Tears were rare, but I was often troubled by the slightest divergence from the moral standard I had set for myself. Conditioned to think that if I was bad I would go to hell, I would try my best to be good and do good. My moral character was constantly being exercised. I would create a superset for myself. Abstain from a lie: push-up. Maintain my integrity while taking a test: pull-up. Obey when my parents or my grandmother told me to do something: sit-up. My moral character grew, and I was becoming perfect…. I was becoming saved. The preachers words would resonate in my head. Be good. Do good. And forget the cliché’s. Maybe that’s how some of my peers felt as they sat and listened to children story after children story. After all, we were closing in on the age in which the call for us to walk down the isle and sit center stage was no longer applicable. We were supposed to be growing up, but I was still touched. This was supposed to be cool, but I was in no rush. I knew I would be young forever. I never liked hearing the old folks talk about youth. Youth was only delegated to certain people. I was born young. They were born old.
When I was young, I was good. When I was young, I did good. I did not take for granted the words that I heard in church. Often perplexed by the sinful little humans that surrounded me, I would ask myself why these kids did not want to be saved. I was a kid, and I wanted to be saved, so I was good. I did good. Everything was so easy. Puberty was unheard of, and my hormones were in good spirits. I just liked to be outside. I just liked to run around and burn off all the energy which caused a great deal of inattentiveness in my class of life. You see, I was oblivious that time was passing and that I was getting older. I was unaware that I would soon have an affinity for computer screens and obscene things. But I would always spill the beans to mother because of my conscience. It was because I was holy and into all that pious nonsense. It’s such a shameful thing, but I would soon become a teen.
I remained oblivious that time was moving and that I was getting older. I guess I never deemed it possible. I would often hear older people talk about life and the stress it can bring. What the hell are they talking about? They must be doing something wrong. Tighten up. I continued to make judgments as life continued to make subtle moves on me.
High school…
“We are praying for you and your family.” What is happening? What went wrong? No one told me what hospice was. In fact, I was relieved to see her in our worship room when I came home from school. The plethora of hospital visits were beginning to get to me. Plus after weeks of silence the doctor finally said there were signs of improvement. I was young however. I didn’t know life was making moves. That room would soon be void of life and the equipment that was only meant to ease humans to their grave. I would soon see tears from my mothers eyes for the first time. Things were changing. I was aging. I was born to be young however. I was born to be young.
College…
By this time, I should have been well aware that life was moving on me. I knew I was getting older, but I was born to be young. I knew that she could have an immense effect on me, but I continued to be touched. So I touched. But I was supposed to be perfect. It’s just something would always convince me that it would be worth it as I’d unearth hips and kiss lips. I had long strayed from the moral standard I set for myself when I was a child. I realized was growing old. I realize I am growing old. I always believed that I would die slowly, but life is moving fast. My mind often fishes around in the past hoping to renew it as the present….
Times is moving, and things are constantly changing. I always thought that I was born to be young. Then l grew up.
I have been told before that I think too much. This may be true. Most people would consider over thinking a bad thing. I have always seen it as something to look down upon, but lately I have begun to reconsider. Why? Because I kinda get a high off the introspection of myself and my life. Why? Ohh well because I feel somewhat optimistic about my future. Why? Gosh, because I think I am finally realizing that God has purposed for me to do something special in this life just as He has every other human being on this earth. Cliché?
Think about it. When was the last time you sat down and looked at yourself in the mirror then looked outside and asked yourself the question, “How many of me are there?” If you really have to contemplate this question that is a good thing. However, if you are honest with yourself and can name a plethora of others just like you, then maybe you should consider how true you are being to yourself. I’m not saying that everyone was put on this earth to be a unique individual, but there is something unique about every human being. Find it, and expose it.
When I’m alone, and even sometimes when I am around people, I have a tendency to fall into deep thought. I have become pretty good at making my “trances” unnoticeable, but best believe that something is always going on inside my head. I was ironing and washing last night, and I began to become fatigued because it was so late. I wanted to just stop, jump in my bed, and finish what I was doing in the morning. Then I started to think about “the greater scheme” of things. I was ironing because I wanted to be prepared for an interview I had the next day. I wanted to do this the night before the interview because I didn’t want to risk not being prepared for the interview. I couldn’t risk not being prepared because I needed the job. I needed the job because I need money. I need money because I need equipment. I need equipment for some of the personal projects I am working on. Once I begin to consecutively complete theses projects I will be on my way to achieving some of my life goals. If I achieve what it is I feel I was placed on this earth to do, then in my latter years of life I will not have to say “I wish I did…”
Do you see the thought that can come from just ironing and washing a couple of clothes for an interview? I know this may seem like a bit much for the average thinker, but I feel that is how we have to treat life sometimes. The little things we do now will lead up to the greater scheme of life. No one just hits an age in which everything just comes together for them. It starts now. The next time you are tempted to half-step a seemingly frivolous task just remember you are working towards your future with the little tasks you are completing now.
Blessings.
Just Some Thoughts... 